I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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