i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
