rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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