I think I died a long time ago.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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