she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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