How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize