you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
