Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Everything about him screamed your future.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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