Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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