There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need to calm my uterus...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
