I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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