I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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