So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
