I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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