Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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