roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize