I'm so fucking centered right now
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
