...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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