At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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