I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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