Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
