But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
