What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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