good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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