I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
