I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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