So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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