You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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