He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize