first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
