i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
