I hate all girls vehemently.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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