Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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