are you still at the devil's house?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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