i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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