just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
