He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
