I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
