I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
