I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
