Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
