I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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