it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
