those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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