somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
third nipple confirmed
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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