Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
