that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
