Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
