Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
