Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
