Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
