Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I didn't notice because vodka
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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