Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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