He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he was CRYING into my vagina
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
