You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
