During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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