he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
