Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
