Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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