hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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