I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
