i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
