that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
