Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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