I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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