Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
