Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My bed smells like the plague
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
