I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
