I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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